Height of work pressure

  • I was flashing my ID card instead of  unlocking the house door with the keys.
  • Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants and as I finished, I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand.
  • I don't login to Facebook, YouTube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way. Till I realized that, I am at home.
  • Once after talking to one of my friends I ended the conversation saying, "OK bye... in case of any issues will call you back".
  • Once I went to a pharmacy and asked for a tab. Pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg? I replied 256mb. Thank god he didn't notice.
  • After a hectic week, went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the Theater Screen.
So avoid working so hard!!!

Lastly...

Extreme Work Pressure
An employee opens his lunch box on the road side to see, whether he is going to office, or coming back from office

Funny Police

#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...

#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS...
#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/the-best-jokes/
#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS...
#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/the-best-jokes/
#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."
#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS...
#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/the-best-jokes/

Good New and Bad News

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son. '

B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Insult

When Roger came home, his wife, Norma, was crying. 

'Your mother insulted me,' she sobbed.

 'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?' 

 'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.' 'And?' 'At the end of the letter it was written: Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'

Happy Anniversary


Good News and Bad News

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: 

“I have some good news and, I have some bad news…” 

The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first? 

The lawyer says: “Well your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million.” 

The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…very good news indeed! You’ve just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”

The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary”

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year. - 

Isn't it weird? the year of the cow, there's mad cow disease. 

the year of the pig, there's swine flu. 

the year of the goat, there's foot and mouth going around. 

Now to be honest, I normally wouldn't care that much, but it's getting scarily close to the year of the cock.