Picture for Grandma

A man at a nudist camp got a letter from his mother asking for a picture. Since the only pictures he had were taken in the nude, he cut one in half and mailed her the part showing only from the waist up.

His mom wrote back after receiving the photograph and said, "Thanks for the picture. Can you send one to Grandma too?"

The guy thought, since Grandma can't see well, I'll just give her the bottom half, and he sent it. After getting her grandson's picture, she wrote to him and said, "Nice picture, but your hairstyle sure makes you nose look long."

Rent Money

That husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"I have to admit I did - though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

No Chance

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob.

"Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."