Chemistry can be complicated!

Two guys are conversing in the Mens Toilet during Chemistry Exams...

Guy 1 : You Gotta Help Me!
Guy 2 : I am just here to pee...I can't help during test.

Guy 1 : Please help, or else I will fail.
Guy 2 : Okay, be quick...ask what you want to know?

Guy 1 : What is the symbol for Nobelium?
Guy 2 : NO

Guy 1 : But you said you will tell me...
Guy 2 : NO!

Guy 1 : Ok, leave it tell me symbol for Sodium ?
Guy 2 : Na!

Guy 1 : Damn, at least tell me symbol for Potassium ?
Guy 2 : K!

Guy 1 : What's okay?
Guy 2 : Just K!

Guy 1 : What's just OK?
Guy 2 : You Mean OK2?

Guy 1 : Whats OK too?
Guy 2 : Potassium Oxide.

Guy 1 : Oxide?
Guy 2 : O

Guy 1 : Oh! What??
Guy 2 : Oxygen

Guy 1 : Damn not Oxygen, I asked for Potassium ?
Guy 2 : K

Guy 1 : No
Guy 2 : Nobelium

Guy 1 : Nobelium?
Guy 2 : NO

Guy 1 : Just give me the answer of bonus question. What's Element166?
Guy 2 : UHH

Guy 1 : Go on?
Guy 2 : UHH

Guy 1 : Uhh??
Guy 2 : Exactly

Guy 1 : NO, what is it???
Guy 2 : Nobelium

Guy 1 : For God's sake at least tell me symbol for URANIUM!
Guy 2 : That's U !

Guy 1 : I know that's upto me ...but I am asking for your help !!
Guy 2 : U !

Guy 1 : No you !!!
Guy 2 : Nobelium . Uranium

Guy 1 : You are an A*s!!
Guy 2 : U AR N AS.....that's URANIUM (U) ARGON (AR) NITROGEN (N) Arsenic (AS)

Guy 1 : You Are An A*s!!!
Guy 2 : Exactly !!

Guy 1 : Baaah!!!
Guy 2 : Barium !

That's amazing!

Paddy weighs 250lbs, so his doctor puts him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks - and, you should loose 20lbs."

When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 80lbs.

"That's amazing!" the doc said.

Paddy nodded, "I'll tell you, I thought I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day."

"What, from hunger?" said the doc.

"No, from the damn skipping!"

Two nuns at the fruit market

Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers.
The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, you'll get a 25% discount !"
 The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other:
"We could eat the 30, I suppose."

Twice a day

This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand."
 "I do", says the man.
"Twice a day."

What's a Breathalyzer?

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next bar stool.

"Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.

"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years and years now!"

Smart Daughter

Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you and raped you!"

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases."

First confession

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.

Dreadful habit

A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers.
The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie biscuit which he starts to offer to Fido.
A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, "Excuse me buddy, but are you aware of the fact that your dog just pissed all down the leg of your pants?"
"Yes, I'm trying to break him of this dreadful habit", replies the blind man.
"Well, it's none of my business," says the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a biscuit!"
To which the blind fellow chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip.
After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line.
The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth."

Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven.

Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter makes the inspection.
The first one says:"I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand." St. Peter says:"You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in."
The second says:"I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands." St. Peter:"Wash both your hands and go in.
Suddenly the other two start fighting, something terrible.
St.Peter goes there, pulls them apart, asks *What's going on? One of them shouts I want to gargle, before she washes her ass in there.

A soap dispenser

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has some soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a
statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "A soap dispenser." To test her theory she also pulls his dick...and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells...
"Look, hand cream!"

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
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A hundred dollar bill.