You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... — Redneck Jokes — Funny Jokes
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... ~ Funny Jokes

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if...

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if after the divorce you still call your x-wife “Cuz”.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if Daddy has a bowling machine in the kitchen.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if the Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a Las Vegas hotel.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your neighbor spits grass when he talks.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if in the delivery room, your wife says, “Why did you say, that’s worse than skinning a rabbit?”

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to all your female cousins as “my girlfriends”, and all your male cousins as “potential brother-in-laws.”

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you’ve ever entered yourself in a “Howdy Doody Look-alike” Contest.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your lips move while reading a stop sign.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if one of the personal options you installed on your Hummer is a spittoon.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

UPDATED: December 14, 2002:

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you almost killed your D.I. after saying, “Hey, Y’all watch this.”

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if until joining the Marines, you thought the last words to The Star Spangled Banner were, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your mamma lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your wife gave birth to one of your kids on a pool table.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your second biggest ambition in life is to “git that big ole’ coon.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you emt to your uncle’s funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your 5-Ton Oshkosh Marine Corp. Truck.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you’ve been on CNN more than 5 times describing the Afghan War.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if when a sign that says “Say No To Crack!” it reminds you to pull up your zipper.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your masseuse uses lard.

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