Angry Birds

Not very funny in really life

Late Coming

The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.

The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
...."My lawyer."

She would want to do it again and again and again

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.

The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.

Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh.

He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"

Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.

And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.
Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again............

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

I'll bet you're sorry

As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.

"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."

POOF: The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.

"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."

POOF: The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess with a priceless crown of jewels.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.

The elderly woman's dog raised his head and uttered a single weak, hoarse "woof."

"Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"

POOF: There, in front of the old woman, who had now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man she had ever seen, more handsome than she could possibly have imagined.

She stared at him in awe, completely smitten. As he came toward her, her knees weakened.

He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

American Indian

A Desi came to USA, settled with green card, got married from India, initiated the American life, bought a house and invited friends for the house warming party.

He was greeting all the incoming guests, introducing his wife, "LICK HER IN D FRONT & POKE HER AT D BACK."

So a friend approached his wife and wanted to know how he should carry our his host friend's wishes.

The wife got angry and said, he means, "LIQUOR IS IN THE FRONT & POKER IS AT THE BACK."

Why don't you diet?

In the men's room this morning, i was standing next to a very fat fellow at a urinal when suddenly, for no discernible reason, he confided in me that he hadn't seen his penis in 15 years.

Not knowing why he suddenly decided to confide such personal information to a complete stranger, and not knowing what else to say and wanting to be helpful, i said ... "Why don't you diet?"

Giving me a surprised stare, he said, "Dye it? For god's sake, what color is it now?"

I'll rip out the partition

Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms.

After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade. "Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."

"I'll take you."

"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

"I want you."

So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her p*ssy and one finger in her butt.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."