Gothic Redneck — Redneck Jokes — Funny Jokes
Gothic Redneck ~ Funny Jokes

Gothic Redneck

You might be a Gothic Redneck if...
  • You let your fourteen year old daughter smoke clove cigarettes at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • You've got more than one brother named "Vlad".
  • You've got more than three cousins named "Lestat".
  • You think safe sex is padded handcuffs.
  • You've refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Bram Stoker's Dracula" was snubbed for Best Picture.
  • The Blue Book value of your hearse goes up and down depending on how much gas you have in it.
  • You think a seven course meal is six clove cigarettes and a bottle of absinthe.
  • One of your kids was born in a cemetery.
  • You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on a mausoleum.
  • Your lifetime goal is to raise a brood of vampire bats.
  • Your buckle boots weigh more than eight pounds each.
  • You think the three primary colors are: Black #1, Black #1 and Black #1
  • Your hearse has a two-tone paint job: Matte Black and Gloss Black
  • You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against marrying the dead.
  • You refer to the day you won a case of black lipstick as, "The day your ship came in".
  • You have the number to the local blood bank on speed dial.
  • Your coffin used to be a meat freezer.
  • You do your serious Christmas shopping with a shovel in the cemetery.
  • You think that God looks a lot like Bela Lugosi and that Heaven looks a lot like Transylvania.
  • You have the words, "Good Evening", in your answering machine message.
  • You've ever named your child after a vampire.
  • You have more buckles on your clothes and boots than fingers and toes.
  • You have a Dracula Jell-O mold.
  • Your child's first words were: "I bid you welcome".
  • The fountain at your wedding spewed blood instead of champagne.
  • You wear fishnet stockings under your vinyl jeans.
  • Your deceased cat's tombstone is bigger than your grandfather's.
  • Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.
  • You proposed in a mortuary.
  • Your bridal veil was made out of fishnet.
  • You tell everyone your wife is the reincarnation of Elizabeth Bathory.
  • You tell your lover to scream like a staked vampire to start foreplay.

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