- Your secrets are safe with me, and all my friends.

- I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.

- If I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

- My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

- I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.

- This isn't clutter, these are my antiques!

- If you don't like my attitude, call: 1-800-Who-Cares.

- Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!

- "Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!

- Our policy is to always blame the computer.

- I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.

- Take my advice, I'm not using it!

- Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?

- You know you are getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.

- Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

- I love to give homemade gifts ... umm, which one of the kids would you like?

- I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!

- By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!

- This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

- Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.