Hot Flashes ~ You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

Mood Swings ~ Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

Memory Loss ~ You write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

Irritability ~ Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and your reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*ucking Nelson."

Sleeplessness ~ The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

Fatigue ~ You find guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.

Mild Incontinence ~ You change your underwear after every sneeze.

Sudden Weight Gain ~ You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.

Female Hormone Deficiency ~ You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania."

Hormone Therapy ~ You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to see the Chippendales.