101 Lies Men Tell Women — Men Jokes — Funny Jokes
101 Lies Men Tell Women ~ Funny Jokes

101 Lies Men Tell Women

  1. I'll call you.
  2. I love you.
  3. You're the only one.
  4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.
  5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.
  6. That's the best sex I've ever had.
  7. You've got the most beautiful eyes
  8. No, I'm not married
  9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home.
  10. You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing's wrong.
  11. I'm ready to make a commitment.
  12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.
  13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years.
  14. We'll get married as soon as I ...
  15. I'll be home in twenty minutes.
  16. It's not that I don't care - I just have to spend more time with my kids.
  17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
  18. I've been celibate since we broke up.
  19. I could never lie to you.
  20. I can still last all night
  21. I always use a condom
  22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
  23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
  24. I tested HIV negative
  25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
  26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
  27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.) are too big
  28. I'm too tired
  29. How could you think I'd be interested in her? She's your best friend
  30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best
  31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection before
  32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over Europe
  33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
  34. I want to grow old with you
  35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
  36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us
  37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy
  38. I'm going to leave my wife
  39. You're nothing at all like my mother
  40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter to me
  41. It doesn't bother me that you make more money than I do
  42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends
  43. I think older women are the most exciting
  44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my field, in the company)
  45. What attracts me to you is your mind
  46. We'll split all the child care and household chores fifty-fifty
  47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come
  48. I've never had an affair before
  49. You're the only one who understands me
  50. I've never been in therapy
  51. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me
  52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else
  53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
  54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an affair?
  55. Your career is as important as mine
  56. I promise you that I'll change
  57. I want us to remain close friends always
  58. My wife and I have an understanding
  59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
  60. I don't masturbate
  61. Let's be friends first 
  62. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real thing 
  63. I'd like you even if you were a man 
  64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that much to me 
  65. The difference between us will bring us even closer 
  66. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids 
  67. No, I never said that 
  68. You make me feel like a kid again 
  69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office) 
  70. I'll move wherever you want 
  71. Of course I'm not bored with you 
  72. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise, make partner), we'll...... 
  73. You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's got in her whole body 
  74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those 
  75. Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours 
  76. I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you 
  77. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind 
  78. Sure, I'll watch the kids 
  79. It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you. 
  80. We'll be spending a lot of time together when I retire 
  81. You're the only reason I've worked so hard 
  82. If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd go with you and the kids to your mom's 
  83. No one's ever turned me on like you do 
  84. My boss says there's nothing to worry about 
  85. I'll never tell 
  86. Relax, she's just a friend 
  87. This is just a temporary separation until we get things worked out 
  88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic 
  89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing 
  90. Of course I'm listening to what you're saying 
  91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes 
  92. No, I don't think you're fat 
  93. You're the woman I should have married 
  94. I'm going to be focusing on my wokr for a while now. 
  95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father 
  96. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get married 
  97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.) 
  98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living space with someone
  99. This time I'm really serious 
  100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives go to the conference
  101. I'll always take care of you. 

1 comment:

  1. Obviously posted by a WOman. They're just as bad, or worse in lying.