A girl about to be married confessed to her close friend that she was not, as her fiance thought, a virgin. She asked her friend what to do.
"No Problem," said the friend, who had just finished watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. "Just buy a piece of raw liver and shove it up inside you. It will make you tight and he will never know the difference."
The girl followed this advice and on her wedding night the groom consummated the marriage with tremendous energy in the bed, on the floor, in the bathtub, under the kitchen table, everywhere. She fell asleep blissfully, but when she awoke she was devastated to find the following note pinned to her pillow:
Dear Jane: Last night was pure heaven. Unfortunately, since we will never be able to repeat that performance, I am leaving you forever.
P.S. Your p*ssy is in the sink.