Things that men hate about women — Men Jokes , Women Jokes — Funny Jokes
Things that men hate about women ~ Funny Jokes

Things that men hate about women

Women are crap when you're ill. Their firm belief that all men are hypochondriacs and oversensitive to pain makes for an indifferent bedside manner. Instead of tea and sympathy, you get two aspirin (no water) and a lecture on how painful menstrual cramps are. If a man wants proper nursing from a woman then, as with many other things, he has to pay a complete stranger.

Women leave hair everywhere. While this is a fact of life that most men accept, it is a source of endless annoyance to us that your regular copious hair loss doesn't result in a corresponding bald patch. It just isn't fair.

Women work too hard. Sitting next to a woman at work can be a shaming experience. While female co-workers can sometimes be drawn into idle chat or cajoled into sloping off early, it usually turns out they've finished all their work early.

Back massages
Women continue to require men to give them back massages as part of foreplay, even though it usually just puts them to sleep. Even the most naively compliant of us men, however, eventually see through this ruse.

As far as sexual experimentation goes, women generally run through their repertoire once with a new boyfriend, like it's a driving test, and then after a month settle back to counting ceiling tiles. There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but we can't get any of them to return our phone calls.

"It's all right, I don't mind" is not a comforting thing to say to a man suffering from a bout of impotence. It just implies you didn't want to do it anyway. Granted, "I'm really disappointed" doesn't sound much better, but at least it doesn't suggest a narrow escape. Offer him a face-saving way out; ask for a back massage and then start snoring after a few minutes.

Women feel free to use their hormones as an excuse for almost any mood or behaviour: weeping during Casualty, not being able to parallel park properly...

Women don't seem to have any statute of limitations on revenge. It doesn't seem odd to a woman to fling a glass of wine into a man's face for something he said six weeks ago. Women are proud of this faculty but shouldn't be surprised if the results are disappointing. Men are like dogs; they have to have their noses rubbed in something pretty much right away to get any reaction other than bewildered whimpering.

There's no correct answer to the question, "Do you think I'm fat?" when it's asked by a woman. "No" means "yes"; "yes" means "yes"; and even "it doesn't matter", surprisingly enough, seems to mean "yes".

Women use gift-giving occasions to test a man's taste and judgement, to see if he will once again hand over a hideous dress, vulgar jewellery or a nasty perfume. He will, so stop testing him and tell him exactly what to get - and where to get it from.

Women muck around with each other's personal lives in a highly cavalier manner: matchmaking incompatible couples, giving disastrous advice to friends who are having affairs and reporting all confidential information directly to the person who isn't supposed to know. The resulting havoc is then consumed as dinner-party conversation. In this dangerous game, men are but pawns.

Gay Men
Women pretend to know exactly which men are gay and which men aren't. But, if truth be told, they haven't actually got a clue who is and who isn't. Most women have said, "I always knew you were gay" to every single one of their boyfriends - except the one who really was gay.

It's the aim of every woman to replace all of her boyfriend's friends with all her friends' boyfriends. Women are so territorial about friends that it's safe for a man to assume that she will hate any friend of his that he didn't meet through her.
know that there is always a koala eating leaves somewhere.

Losing things
Women lose things and make men look for them. Men lose things too, but don't have time to look for them. They're too busy fishing under the fridge for the earrings you left in the shop. Here are a few tips: your sunglasses are on your head and your keys are probably still in the door.

Long Life
Women live longer. There's a smug, built-in biological swagger in the way women carry around the extra 10-odd years which life has dealt them. It gives them a kind of patience in arguments, knowing that they'll eventually have the last laugh when they're still around to unplug your life-support machine.

Women go on diets. They buy half the food that they normally buy. This means that the man too only gets half the food he's used to, even if he is bordering on malnutrition already. Is it any wonder that we patronise kebab vans and curry houses?

The Bathroom
Women have on average 102 items of personal hygiene equipment in the bathroom. Men have 6 and that includes the razor. There may be a reason for this imbalance, but it escapes us. Surely there aren't 102 distinct parts on a woman that require different soaps, potions or ointments? Or is there something you're not telling us?

Women cluck over other peoples' babies for hours to a quite nauseating level. It's called the "mothering instinct" only because "behaviour aimed to scare the crap out of your boyfriend-stroke-husband-to-be" is too much of a mouthful. 


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