Marriage Quips — Funny Quotes — Funny Jokes
Marriage Quips ~ Funny Jokes

Marriage Quips

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. --David Bissonette

• I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. --Noel Coward, 1956

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. --Sacha Guitry

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --Jackie Mason

• Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. --Montaigne

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. --Hemant Joshi

• Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

• Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

• Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

• If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

• What Exactly Is Marriage??

• "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." --Eric, Age 6

• "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.'" Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." --Anita, Age 9

• How Does A Person Decide Whom To Marry??

• "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." --Kally, Age 9

• "My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." --Carolyn, Age 8

• Concerning The Proper Age To Get Married.

• "Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." --Carolyn, Age 8

• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." --Bert, Age 5

• How Did Your Mom And Dad Meet??

• "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down. It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." --Lottie, Age 9

• "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." --Jeremy, Age 8

• What Do Most People Do On A Date??

• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." --Martin, Age 10

• "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." --Craig, Age 9

• When Is It Okay To Kiss Someone??

• "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." --Allan, Age 10

• "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." --Kally, Age 9

• The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single Or Married??

• "You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." --Kirsten, Age 10

• "It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." --Anita, Age 9

• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." --Will, Age 7


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